i've thought about it for a long time and i think im finally ready to say it: i'm done with being smart. it has never come naturally to me, and my attempts to catch up have always come across as rather forced. truth is, i've never particularly wanted to be smart, it's just always been the thing to do. but i'm tired of doing it - it isn't working out.
i've never tried NOT to be smart before. over the last couple of years i've been gradually growing more comfortable with my stupidity, but i've never before actively embraced it. i'm not really sure how that is supposed to work. i'm going to try to enjoy that i know less than anyone else at dinner parties (if i ever go to dinner parties). this, ive convinced myself, will be easier that all my failed attempts to sound like i know more than everyone else at said fictional dinner parties – though it will probably prove far more difficult.
i think life will make more sense this way. and be more beautiful. and i'll end up destroying less of myself and the planet. and i might actually be able to write a poem again.
that’s the plan, at least. i'll let you know how it goes.
perhaps i haven't expressed myself eloquently enough here – or perhaps i've been too eloquent – to properly convey what i mean. if so, my apologies. i'm learning.