five last minute christmas ideas

Haven't thrown enough money at your loved ones yet? Here are some suggestions of new-ish poetry books for poetry fans and soon-to-become poetry fans alike: Pigeon by Karen Solie, House of Anansi Press, 2009

Who’s Karen Solie? A Canadian poet. A living one. The internet can tell you more. What’s this book? Y’know, poems. A collection of them. 39 to be exact. That seems like a fairly average number of poems. Will I get enough bang for my buck? Well, at $18.95, it’s $0.49 a poem. What a steal! Ok, but let’s say I’m in the bookstore and I only have time to read one poem to know if the thing is any good. What should I read? “Wager”, pg. 12. And how should I get myself in the mood for reading this poem? Drive to a bookstore in Regina to read it. But I'm too lazy to do that! Ok, you can listen to it here.

Pure Product by Jason Guriel, Vehicule Press, 2009

Who’s Jason Guriel? A Canadian poet. A living one. The internet can tell you more. What’s this book? Y’know, poems. A collection of them. 34 to be exact. That seems like a rather small number of poems. Can I really get enough bang for my buck? Well, at $16.00, it’s $0.47 a poem. So yes, definitely a steal. Plus, at 52 pages, if you are anti-social you can easily slip the book under someone's door, avoiding human interaction! Ok, but let’s say I’m in the bookstore and I only have time to read one poem to know if the thing is any good. What should I read? "Money is also a kind of Music", pg. 46. And how should I get myself in the mood for reading this poem? Listen to "Good Vibrations" 100 times in a row. I'm too lazy to do that, also! Ok, you can read it here, so long as you promise to read it 100 times.

Harmonics by Jesse Patrick Ferguson, Freehand Books, 2009

Who’s Jesse Patrick Ferguson? A Canadian poet. A living one. The internet can tell you more. What’s this book? Y’know, poems. A collection of them. 75 to be exact. That seems like a large number of poems. What a steal! That’s not a question. But yes, it is. At $16.95, it’s $0.23 a poem. Ok, but let’s say I’m in the bookstore and I only have time to read one poem to know if the thing is any good. What should I read? “Fallout at the National Gallery”, pg. 79. And how should I get myself in the mood for reading this poem? Before entering the bookstore, bash your head into the window while looking at the display books. Still too lazy! C'mon, help a brotha/sista out. Sorry, I can't find this one online. Get going!

Jailbreaks: 99 Canadian Sonnets edited by Zachariah Wells, Biblioasis, 2008

Who’s 99 Canadian Poets? That question is both strange and grammatically incorrect. They are Canadian poets. Living and dead ones. The internet can tell you more. Oh, and more on the editor, too. What’s this book? Y’know, poems. An anthology of them. Ok, mostly sonnets. I’m pretty sure there are 99. Let's assume there are 99 poems in this book. That seems like a solid number. Is it in fact a steal? Yes! At $19.95, that would be $0.20 a poem. Ok, but let’s say I’m in the bookstore and I only have time to read one poem to know if the thing is any good. What should I read? “Country Hotel in the Niagara Peninsula” by David W. McFadden, pg. 16. And how should I get myself in the mood for reading this poem? Spend at least an hour wandering lost, looking for the poetry section. If that isn’t enough, bump over a shelf or two. But that would involve me getting up and leaving the house... You're right. What was I thinking? Read it here, lardass.

A Long Continual Argument: The Selected Poems of John Newlove by John Newlove, Chaudiere Books, 2007

Who’s John Newlove? A Canadian poet. A dead one. The internet can tell you more. Oh, and more on the editor, too. What’s this book? Y’know, poems. A selected poems. 138 to be exact. Let me guess... with 138 poems this is also a steal? You got it! Even with a sticker price of $22.00, it’s a mere $0.16 a poem. Ok, now that fourth question I keep asking... Oh, the one about which one poem to read? I’d say “Driving”, pg. 175. And how should I get myself in the mood for reading this poem? Drive to a book store in Kapuskasing to read it. Oh hell, just read it here.