The Quatchi Rap - The Video

By popular demand, via Microsoft Paint...

All you motherfuckers better sit ‘er down and watch, see,
‘Cause DAMN! here comes a rap about Olympic mascot Quatchi!
His powder-blue ear muffs pimp him out like Liberace;
he blazes down the rink like that shit is a hibachi!

Forget the barbecue, let’s get back to the Sasquatch, he
bangs so many chicks that you need a Fibonacci
Sequence to keep track: 2, 3, 5, 8 – this shit’s debauch’ry!
He’s had his way with women from Vancouver to Karachi!

But after the Olympics there’ll be no more love for Quatchi,
he’ll hang out in the park with some old dudes playing bocce,
he’ll fall back into drugs, and his earmuffs will grow splotchy,
he’ll reminisce about the days before his fur turned blotchy.

But at least he’s! Not VANOC, eh! Those dudes are Nazis!

Oh man, I'm so white...

Brad Cran is at it again

Will anyone escape the Vancouver Poet Laureate's wrath? And here I thought Cadence Weapon would be the badass poet laureate:

2010 Handbook for Entering Canada

quatchi rocks

Quatchi Watch, the blog for all things Quatchi, has posted my Quatchi Rap. Yes, that was three "Quatchi"s in one sentence.

You can read that post here.

The Quatchi Rap

All you motherfuckers better sit ‘er down and watch, see,
‘Cause DAMN! here comes a rap about Olympic mascot Quatchi!
His powder-blue ear muffs pimp him out like Liberace;
he blazes down the rink like that shit is a hibachi!

Forget the barbecue, let’s get back to the Sasquatch, he
bangs so many chicks that you need a Fibonacci
Sequence to keep track: 2, 3, 5, 8 – this shit’s debauch’ry!
He’s had his way with women from Vancouver to Karachi!

But after the Olympics there’ll be no more love for Quatchi,
he’ll hang out in the park with some old dudes playing bocce,
he’ll fall back into drugs, and his earmuffs will grow splotchy,
he’ll reminisce about the days before his fur turned blotchy.

But at least he’s! Not VANOC, eh! Those dudes are Nazis!

p.s. Watch "The Quatchi Rap - The Video!" here.

hey, look! olympics!

They're everywhere! Mad props to Shane Koyczan and Leonard Cohen/k.d. Lang for slipping some literary content into those Viagra-sponsored opening ceremonies (seven healthy phalluses and one with E.D., if you were counting along at home).

Lang's cover of "Hallelujah" was one of my highlights of the ceremonies, and Koyczan did a great job as well. It must be a tricky task to write and read a poem that has to be "safe" and powerful all at once, and it's unfair to expect a literary masterpiece to result from such a situation. Compared to the other OMG, a poem? moment of late, Elizabeth Alexander's inaugural poem for Barak Obama, Koyczan's was easily the better performance. If you didn't see it yesterday, there's a spliced together version of Koyczan performing the poem here. [UPDATE: A clip from the ceremonies themselves here - thanks to The Drive is Alive for the link!]

It was especially nice to see some literary content considering the dearth of it during the "Cultural Olympiad" - one of Brad Cran's concerns in his recent, and much-ballyhooed, blog post.

And with Koyczan promoting Vancouver slam poetry to the world, I can only imagine how popular the next few slams at Cafe Deux Soleils will be. Commercial Drive will be crazy! Oh wait, it already is...


Others may force the rerouting of the torch relay, too, but no one does it with the style (and barbed wire) of the Drive!

P.S. GOOOOOO SNOW LEOPARD!!!!

"The artist shall at all times refrain from making any negative or derogatory remarks respecting VANOC..."

Brad Cran, Vancouver Poet Laureate, says "Thanks, but no thanks" to the Olympics. In poetry, too.

woodward's writers

I don't know how I missed this until today, but the W2 Culture + Media House at the new Woodward's building is hosting four readings, one on every Wednesday in February - the "Real Vancouver Writers' and Culture Series" - which just might have something to do with the Olympics being in town...

The first is tonight at 7 and features, among others, Peter Van Camp, Jennica Harper and Brendan McLeod. It's $5.

More info on the series can be found here, and the lineups for all four readings are here.

there will be noise...

just not the intended noise, I suspect.

Few things make people in Vancouver want to scream more these days than the the Olympics and local transit. Now the 2010 team and Translink have come together to give you the chance to let one go without causing alarm to your neighbours. So considerate. Enjoy!

p.s. The promo photo on their blog even has the Olympic Village in the background. I think Translink might be in on the joke...

the dead, dead children were worth it!

The new Vancouver Olympics theme, by Geoff Berner. Take a listen here, and be sure to pass it along to fellow Olympics fan(atic)s everywhere!