9/30/2007

Word on the Street + Pants!

i went to the strike and rain beleaguered Word on the Street fest today (and the WotS and rain beleaguered library picket line) and picked up a back issue of One Cool Word that i missed while in Ghana (featuring a poem by Liam Ford and my poem "hook"), a copy of Viral Suite by Mari-Lou Rowley, and possibly a cold.

more important than all that, my one pair of blue jeans inexplicably descended (literally) to a new level of disrepair. before, they hung so loosely on my twigly frame that i could shake them off of my body by running with a narrow gait for a few blocks. now it's five or six normal steps and they're down, while at the best of times they are clinging desperately to my hips. i was the only gangsta at WotS, i believe.

i have developed two strategies for keeping the things up (and no, neither is a belt - don't get me started on belts):
1. the one-finger beltloop hook: this one works quite well, and is the only strategy that works when jogging/running, but it's also very obvious that you're holding you pants up, which, it turns out, often makes normal conversations take a turn for the awkward.

2. the two-handed pocket grab: this isn't very reliable and is guaranteed to fail when jogging/running (besides, who jogs with their hands in their pockets?). when using this strategy, it is hard for others to tell that your pants are falling down, but easy for them to tell that you have something valuable in your pockets and/or that you have an obsessive need to graze your balls with your thumbs every thirty seconds or so. surprisingly, this strategy does help you maintain more normal conversations than does #1.

more than anything, my current plight got me thinking about gangstas - i've got no problem with the look, but i now appreciate how damn frustrating it is to know that your pants could fall down at any moment. so, i've invented "Spurious Slacks": normal fitting pants with a fake second pantline that hangs below your shirt. comfort and style in one! tell your friends!

6 comments:

Steve said...

Hmmmmm. You raise an interesting problem. As a man of slender character myself, I too have felt the sting of declining pants. Have you considered the Kindergarten mittens technique? It's not a belt, however, it's more of a creative thumb expansion device. Essentially 2 long strands of wool that run from your belt loops, up under your shirt, down your arms and then either tied to the wrists for discretion, or thumbs for increased hight adjustment control. I think you'll find it's also "jog friendly".

p.s. We're invading the SFU pub this Thursday for Scotchtoberfest. The pub sucks. We shall make it better just by being there.

rob taylor said...

wouldn't you need some sort of armpit-reinforcing material to reduce string abrasion?

other than that, a helluvan idea

Steve said...

Perhaps we need to invent some sort of deodorant/lubricant. I think there's a market somewhere....

rob taylor said...

"Slick Stick, by Mennen"

i like it...

ida said...

God bless you, Rob, for that discussion! I'm so glad you brought up that important issue. I'm also of slender character and once someone called me a plumber. I have been traumatized ever since so I'm boycotting my jeans...
I wanna kill the person who invented low-rise.

rob taylor said...

thanks for joining this ever-expanding dialogue, Ida. clearly this topic touches a nerve for many of us. i'm glad we aren't suffering in silence anymore.

what infuriates me about low-rise jeans is the inherent assumption that regular jeans are high- or even medium-rise, which is outrageous.