Malahat Review Listserv Found Poem #6

 

Mal à Hat - Penn Kemp

 

Mal adjusted  

Hat in the ring

list ten up

Re view

Re wind

Re store

Re move

I am a sub scribe

If I delete all will I

surscribe?

Thank you to Penn Kemp for this one. You can read all the found poems in this series here. To submit your own, email it to me at roblucastaylor(at)gmail(dot)com.

Malahat Review Listserv Found Poem #5

  

Not As Funny - Mary Peelen

I promise that nothing you write 

will be funny at all. You're 

making the notifications worse. 

Please correct this mistake! 

If this is not corrected 

I will be forced to 

“reply all” to this email. 

Criminal charges are in order. 

Everyone: random people, 

famous writers including me: 

STOP for the love of GOD 

please stop. I'll definitely 

send flowers. You are not 

as funny as you imagine 

yourself to be 

but I will re-subscribe 

as soon as the email fiasco 

is resolved. 

Thank you to Mary Peelen for this one. You can read all the found poems in this series here. To submit your own, email it to me at roblucastaylor(at)gmail(dot)com.

Malahat Review Listserv Found Poem #4

 

"PLEASE FIX YOUR EMAIL" - Rose Morris

This morning I woke to an inbox brimming.
Thought it was love.
Get your shit together, they accidentally
sent one email that went to everyone.

I have no idea how or why this message came to me. I know mistakes happen.

I’m also receiving this email, but I don’t think I’m supposed to.
Gawd knows my secret membership in this rather pornographic group is a terrible fate.

My inbox is suddenly flooded with emails from people I don’t know and I am a full time writer.
I do not have time for this. I know mistakes happen.

I definitely have time for this.
Nice to meet you all.
I know mistakes happen.

Please delete me.

Please remove from list.

Please remove me from the list.

Please remove me from this list as well, thanks!!

^^this is just a test to see if my “reply all” gets thru. I know mistakes happen.

I am upset.

I agree with George Bowering.

I too write full time.

If you what me on your list, you can re earn my support,
if you’re worth it. I know mistakes happen.

Where the hell is the secret and one and only Northwest Mounted Police when you need them.

With no kindness,
gerry sharing the pain

Amigos, no entiendo nada de este bellísimo discurso. Que les vaya bien. Abrazos a todos.
Friends, I understand nothing of this beautiful speech. Good luck. Hugs to all. 

Thank you to Rose Morris for this one. You can read all the found poems in this series here. To submit your own, email it to me at roblucastaylor(at)gmail(dot)com.

Malahat Review Listserv Found Poem #3

What the World ----- Re: Love - Tara Colbourne

“I suddenly see all around us” – George Bowering “On Quadra Island”

we say please when we mean [fuck off]
sometimes          don’t we?

please check, please update, please fix or better

yet, please remove me, remove my name, remove

my love, same, same

same

to wade through
all this ----- I don’t know
is anyone paying attention?

I thought it was [love]

I keep getting messages
from people       I don’t know
everyone ----- please stop
please prevent further flooding
have you been accessed
or compromised or FLOODED

we say fuck off sometimes when we
mean

[please] ----- with no kindness
remove me because
this is ridiculous
please ----- take me
off
forever

please love, please

Thank you to Tara Colbourne for this one. You can read all the found poems in this series here. To submit your own, email it to me at roblucastaylor(at)gmail(dot)com.

Malahat Review Listserv Found Poem #2

"A decade after I broke the malahat review listserv" - Patrick Grace

Oh my god I accidentally
sent one email.
I've just learned from a friend
a terrible fate.

As I understand it,
it comes from the heart--
"fuck off, delete me"
in English, it means unsubscribe.

The poor human
who made this mistake again.
Someone alert NATO!
Call the police and the army!

Something went haywire.
Please correct this
warped sense of humour.
You all have time for this.

Thank you to Patrick Grace, who brought us the 2014 meltdown, for this little gem. You can read all the found poems in this series here. To submit your own, email it to me at roblucastaylor(at)gmail(dot)com.

this makes me nervous

Back in 2014, a reply-all unsubscribe outbreak on the Malahat Review listserv brought such joy to my heart that I wrote a found poem compiled from the various replies. You can read that poem here.

One might have thought that in the intervening nine years, the Malahat Review would have addressed this flaw in their listserv system but, bless them, it appears they did not. We're back at it, and the replies are even more confused, angry and conspiratorial this time around (this is Pierre Poilievre's Canada we're living in, after all).

Rhonda Ganz has stepped up to write a found poem for this year's meltdown. I present it below. If you'd like to contribute your own Malahat Review listserv found poem, please email it to me at roblucastaylor(at)gmail(dot)com and I will post it here. And most importantly, enjoy the madness while it lasts. It will be another nine years before we get to do it again!

Thought it was love - Rhonda Ganz

I did not get the original love, but I am getting all the replies

My inbox suddenly flooded

Este amar, no es un virus.

People I don’t know

People pressing “love”

This makes me nervous

(Me, too!)

(I’m also receiving this love, but I don’t think I’m supposed to)

(Likewise)

Please

I don’t think I should receive this love

Anyone paying attention

You’re making the love worse

Please

Please stop pressing “love”

Please remove me

Remove me from your love list immediately

Please stop pressing “reply all” to this love

Please take me off your love list forever

All of you! Stop sending love!

All of you brimming with love

You are the problem